


Wolfsbane

by mysid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, First War with Voldemort, M/M, Romance, Sex, Werewolves, Wolfsbane Potion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:36:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysid/pseuds/mysid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus wants to try an experimental new potion; Sirius fears what it may do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When the weather was pleasant, and sometimes even if it was not, Sirius liked to apparate to within a few blocks of his flat and to walk the rest of the way. He felt more connected to his Muggle neighbors if he had this daily opportunity to wave "hello" and perhaps stop in a local shop for a Muggle newspaper or at the greengrocer for some fresh fruit.

Today, he was especially glad that he hadn't apparated directly to the door of his flat, for Remus, well aware of Sirius's habit, was waiting for him on the front stairs of their building. Remus was chewing on his lower lip as he read a book lying across his knees. He looked up only when Sirius's shadow fell across the pages.

"Read this," Remus commanded as he turned back one page and handed the paper-bound book to Sirius.

Sirius glanced at the cover, saw that it was the quarterly journal of the Potionbrewers' Guild, and sat beside Remus to read the article, "Potion to Subdue or Reduce the Violent Behaviours of Werewolves." Sirius skimmed through the article, noted that wolfsbane, a highly toxic poison, featured prominently in the list of ingredients, that the longest the potion had been tested on any subject was only ten months, and that it had been successfully tested on only seven subjects. He wondered how many subjects it had been `unsuccessfully' tested upon. The article was silent on that subject, but Sirius had a strong suspicion that many werewolves had died testing the early versions. Yet, for the seven test subjects, it had allowed them to remain peaceful through the full moon.

"It sounds promising. Someday, when it's been tested more-"

"I want to try it," Remus interrupted. "The recipe is included in the article."

"No."

"I'm going to try it," Remus said with that note of determination in his voice that said all too clearly that there was no point in arguing with him. Yet, Sirius tried anyway.

"It's barely been tested-"

"It worked for the seven they tested it on."

"--and there's no way to know about long-term side effects yet."

"I'll need your help with preparing and adding the wolfsbane. You know I can't stand to be in the same room as the stuff."

"Wolfsbane is toxic."

"To humans," Remus said, "but if I were human, I wouldn't need to try this."

"You don't need to try this." Sirius grasped Remus's forearm, as close to an intimate gesture as he dared while sitting in full view of the neighbors. "You have us to get you through the full moon. You aren't violent when we run free together. And even when we have to stay locked up, we don't let you maul yourself."

Unfortunately, more and more recent full moons had been spent locked up. Unless James and Sirius were both present to control the wolf, Remus was unwilling to risk running free, and auror-training meant that James and Sirius's time was not always their own. The best they could arrange some months was just one of them with Remus.

"You can't always be with me. Remember March? Just Peter and I. What the hell was poor Wormtail supposed to do when I decided to tear myself apart?"

"I'm so sorry, Moony. I promise that'll never happen again." Sirius leaned closer as he spoke and briefly rested his chin on Remus's shoulder. He longed to kiss him to seal the promise.

Remus smiled faintly. "I'm not angry; I'm just making a point. And I don't want you making promises you can't keep. There's a war going on, Padfoot, and you're on the frontlines. You can't say, `Oops, can we suspend this battle until tomorrow night? I have to go take care of my werewolf lover during the full moon.' And what about James? Lily's due in less than two months. He's going to be a father, Padfoot. Between Lily, the baby, and being an auror, his dance card is full. He doesn't have time to go romping through the woods with me."

"He likes romping through the woods with you, even if he is just a stupid ungulate who gets his antlers stuck in low branches."

"I know, but--if this potion works, none of you will need to spend the full moon with me. You can still spend the moon with me because you want to--if you have the time--but you won't need to. I won't be a burden. I don't want to be a burden."

"You aren't a burden."

Remus didn't argue. He simply gave a Sirius a look of disbelief as if what Sirius had said was so patently untrue that it wasn't worth arguing. Remus won a lot of arguments that way.

"Please, Moony," Sirius tightened his grip on Remus's arm. "Don't put yourself at risk this way. I can't lose you."

Remus put his own hand atop Sirius's for just a moment and then stood up. "You won't; not from this potion, at least. And if this potion works, I won't kill myself during a full moon either." Self- mutilation during a full moon, the most common cause of death for werewolves. Sirius had no argument against the Wolfsbane Potion that could outweigh that risk. He took Remus's offered hand and allowed Remus to pull him to his feet.

"I'll make it," Sirius said. At least if he made it himself, he'd know that it had been made correctly.

\+ + + + +

"Next month, we are not making this in the kitchen," Remus complained as he came into the kitchen. He had one hand covering his mouth and pinching his nose shut. "It smells like shit. Troll shit that's fermented in the summer sun and then been mixed with putrid bog slime. Everything in the kitchen reeks of it."

"It's not that bad," Sirius said as he ladled some of the smoking brew into a brass goblet. He hardly noticed any scent from the potion when he was human. After Remus had begun complaining yesterday, the fourth day taking the potion, Sirius had given it a sniff as Padfoot. He could smell most of the various ingredients including sheep's brain, poppy juice, needleberries, and of course, wolfsbane. He didn't mind any of those scents; however, he knew that the scent of wolfsbane repelled werewolves, not dogs.

"You're not the one who has to drink it," Remus snapped as he unwrapped a peppermint Humbug and put it on the kitchen counter.

"You don't have to drink it either," Sirius pointed out as he gave Remus the goblet. "I'd rather you didn't drink it. Sodding experimental potion."

Remus took a small gulp, shuddered, and then drained the entire goblet. He slammed the empty goblet onto the counter and immediately put the sweet into his mouth to chase the foul taste away.

Sirius watched as Remus stood braced against the counter, eyes closed, and utterly focused on the minty sweet he was rolling around in his mouth to erase every last vestige of the Wolfsbane Potion.

"Better?" he asked when a scowling Remus opened his eyes again. Remus raised two fingers in a gesture he rarely made and walked out of the room. "Two more doses," Sirius thought as he put the lid back on the cauldron and renewed the charm to keep the potion warm. "And two more days of Remus acting like an arse."

"Let's go for a walk," Remus called from the living room. "I need fresh air."

Remus waited impatiently by the front door of the flat while Sirius put on socks and his trainers. As soon as he saw that Sirius was almost ready, he opened the door and headed out. Sirius had to hurry to catch up. When they reached the street, Sirius wanted to walk beside Remus, but Remus increased his pace just enough to keep half a step ahead of Sirius. Just behind his mate's shoulder was Padfoot's usual place beside the wolf, but not Sirius's usual place beside Remus.

Mrs. Walsh, an elderly neighbor, was just returning from her twilight walk to the park where she would put out bowls of food for stray dogs and cats. Remus slowed as they reached her front stairs, and Sirius thought that he was going to help her carry her shopping trolley up the steps as he often did.

"Feeding the strays in the park again, Mrs. Walsh?" Sirius said with a smile. "I know if I was-"

"Stupid cats and even more stupid domesticated curs," Remus snapped at her. "If they can't hunt to feed themselves, just let them die."

Mrs. Walsh just stared at him open-mouthed. Her shock at hearing something so un-Remus-like come out of his mouth seemed to stun her into silence. As Remus walked away, Sirius lingered behind to help her with the trolley.

"Please excuse him for saying that," Sirius said quietly. "He hasn't been feeling well for a few days. He's taking it out on everyone."

"Don't do that again," Remus said when Sirius caught up to him near the park. "I don't need you to make my apologies."

"Maybe you don't," Sirius said with a laugh, "but the wolf does, and don't tell me that wasn't that wolf's temper showing."

"I am the wolf. You think it's a separate entity, but it's not." Remus was gazing around the park as he spoke.

"I know. It's just semantics; sometimes it's easier to talk about as if you were two separate people in one body. And your wolf half has definitely gotten stronger since you started taking that damn potion."

Remus was now facing into the breeze and seemed to concentrating on some scent carried by the air. Sirius breathed deeply but couldn't detect whatever it was that held Remus's attention. Not for the first time, he regretted that he didn't have Padfoot's keen sense of smell in his human form. Usually when Remus was human, his sense of smell was hardly any better than Sirius's, but nothing was normal this week.

"What is it?" Sirius asked.

Remus smiled faintly and returned his attention to Sirius. "Some idiot human brought a bitch in heat to the park. He'll be beating them off with a stick to get her home unmolested." He stepped closer and nuzzled his nose in Sirius's hair. "You smell better." Remus's pressed one hand into the small of Sirius's back while the other hand began to unbuckle his belt.

"Not here," Sirius said laughing as he grabbed Remus's wrist.

"Now," Remus said. "I want you now." He pressed Sirius backward toward a tree. Sirius stumbled as his heel caught an exposed root, and he fell off balance into the tree trunk, jarring his shoulder blade and the back of his head. Remus was already reaching for Sirius's belt again, even as he stroked the back of Sirius's head saying, "I'm sorry, Pads. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Remus, stop!" Sirius tried to push him away, but Remus merely stepped closer and kissed him. Realizing that Remus was beyond caring that they were in public, Sirius glanced at a shocked couple witnessing their encounter and concentrated on apparating to the front door of their flat. Remus appeared in the corridor a moment later.

"Now, but here," Sirius said quickly before Remus could get angry. Remus watched without speaking while Sirius unlocked the door and disabled a ward. He followed Sirius into the flat, kicked the door shut behind them, and wrapped his arms around Sirius from behind.

"Mine," he growled in Sirius's ear.

"Yours," Sirius answered as his shirt was pulled off roughly.

\+ + + + +

As auror-trainees, Sirius and James frequently performed such exciting tasks as standing guard duty at the Visitor's Desk of the Ministry of Magic or sitting in classrooms hearing lectures on information they had studied years ago in their zeal to become aurors. Today they were sorting through ancient dusty scrolls in search of obscure items of information that one of their superiors wanted. The search might have been more interesting if they had known the significance of the information, but instead it felt like detention with Madam Pince. The only bright spot was that it was "detention" together.

"How's Remus doing with that potion?" James asked as he pulled a heavy box off a shelf and began to examine the tags on the rods of the scrolls.

"I hate it," Sirius growled as he sorted through another box. "He isn't acting like Remus. He's short-tempered, he's rude, and he's swearing like a longshoreman."

James chuckled at that. "And your language is ever so clean."

"James, he yelled at Mrs. Walsh yesterday."

"Remus?"

"And he--" Sirius suddenly fell silent and pressed his lips together tightly.

James looked up from the scroll he had just unrolled. "What?"

Sirius hesitated and then pulled back the sleeves of his robe to reveal finger shaped bruises on his wrists and forearms. "There are more. Let's just say he's getting really rough during sex."

"Are you O.K.?" James asked worriedly.

Sirius nodded and pulled his sleeves back down. "He's not trying to hurt me. He's just strong, and he's not being careful. I don't mind, but--this just isn't normal for Remus."

"You know what this reminds me of, don't you?"

"The first time we got him drunk. Yeah, I remember. His human restraint fell away, and the wolf came out to play."

"The potion can't be working right. Are you sure you made it correctly?"

"Of course I'm sure. Do you really think I'd let Remus drink a potion if I wasn't completely certain that I'd made it correctly? The problem is, we don't know how it's supposed to work. We know it's supposed to suppress the wolf behaviours during the full moon, but we don't know what's supposed to be happening this week. Maybe this is normal. Maybe it forces the wolf to come out early while Remus is still human and able to control it, sort of. Or maybe it just won't work at all for Remus. The researchers only tested it on seven werewolves--all of them Eastern European--before they published the article. Maybe it won't work for Remus they way it did for them. Maybe he was infected by a different strain of the curse or something."

"I'm coming over tonight," James said. "If he's getting worse, I don't want you dealing with him alone."

\+ + + + +

Between a false alarm of a Death Eater attack that turned out to be Muggle fireworks, and a quick stop at the Potters' home so James could check on a very pregnant Lily, Sirius and James got to the flat two hours later than Sirius had told Remus to expect him. If he'd stuck to the schedule, Remus would have already taken his sixth dose of Wolfsbane Potion. As much as he had been against the experiment, part of Sirius hoped that Remus would see it all the way through. Only if he did, would they be able to see if it had all been worth it.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Remus demanded the moment he heard the front door open. "You should have--" Then he caught sight of James coming in just behind Sirius. He sneered as he stared at James.

 _"That's a wolf snarl,"_ Sirius thought as he saw Remus baring his teeth at the `intruder' in their home. He heard James's sharp intake of breath as he realized the same thing.

"What have you been doing?" Remus asked quietly as his stare shifted back to Sirius again. Somehow, Remus's now apparent calm was more unnerving than an obvious rage. Sirius was uncomfortably reminded of how calm and matter-of-fact his father would become when he punished Sirius `for his own good.'

"We got called up to York because--"

"Perhaps I shouldn't ask what you've been doing, but whom you've been doing?" Remus asked as he got up from his seat and walked slowly toward them. "Or do I even need to ask?"

"Go home, James," Sirius said without taking his eyes off Remus.

"No."

"I've always known you wanted James." Remus was very close now. He looked over Sirius's shoulder at James. "Lily not interested in sex anymore now that she's in her third trimester, so you decided to give Sirius a try?"

"Remus, this isn't you," Sirius said. He tentatively touched Remus's arm. "You know I love you. Think what you're saying."

Remus ignored him other than pushing him aside so he could face James more directly. "He's mine. Stay away."

"Come sit on the sofa with me, Love," Sirius cajoled as he reached out to stroke Remus's cheek. "Did you eat dinner yet? We can send James out to get us some take-away. We'll stay home, just you and me."

Sirius glanced at James and saw that he was doing the right thing by keeping his eyes lowered submissively rather than staring back at Remus to challenge him, an unspoken, "You win; we don't have to fight."

"Go ahead, James; go get some take away," Sirius urged again. He continued the calming strokes on Remus, on his cheek, on his neck, down his arm or his back. "Anything you get is fine. We'll be here when you get back."

James glanced up for just a moment and nodded. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Do you want me to see if Peter can come over for dinner too?" Although he seemed to be addressing Remus and asking, "Do you want your whole pack together?" Sirius knew that the question was really addressed to him. "Do we need an extra person--someone who is neither Remus's mate nor the one he's accused of cheating with--to help control Remus?"

"We'll be seeing him tomorrow. That's soon enough," Sirius said, "unless you want Peter to come over, Moony?"

Remus shook his head slightly. "Tomorrow."

As soon as James left the flat, Remus visibly relaxed. Sirius stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Remus's waist. "I'm yours," he whispered in Remus's ear. "You're my mate. Prongs is just my friend. You know that."

"Sometimes it's hard not to be jealous," Remus whispered back as he buried his face against Sirius's throat, " because I know you love him. You smell like dust--and like James."

"But I don't smell like I've had sex, do I?" Sirius asked. Remus shook his head. "And you know I don't love him the same way I love you. Did you take tonight's dose of potion yet?"

"Um-hmm, vile stuff. It took two Humbugs to get the taste out of my mouth." Remus's hands, which had been resting on Sirius's shoulders, now began to stroke down his chest. Remus kissed a trail across Sirius's cheekbone, down his nose, and to his lips. "Want to taste you," Remus murmured against his lover's mouth. One hand strayed lower and unbuttoned one button of Sirius's robe just below his waist. Sirius tried to pull out of the embrace just as Remus slipped his hand inside the robe.

"Come to the sofa," Sirius urged. Remus nodded and went with him, but he kept one arm wrapped possessively around Sirius's waist the entire way. Sirius suddenly had visions of James returning laden with take-away only to walk in and see one of his friends buggering the other on the sofa. He couldn't let Remus get any more aroused than he was already. "I need to get something to drink," Sirius said as he broke away rather than sit down. "Sit down. I'll get us both something from the kitchen and be right back."

Sirius knew he'd have a few moments of solitude in the kitchen. The scent of Wolfsbane Potion was strongest in this room where he'd brewed it and was keeping it warm. Remus wouldn't come in unless absolutely necessary. Sirius got three bottles of beer and tapped each with his wand to remove the caps. For a moment, he was tempted to get a sleeping potion from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and pour some into Remus's beer. Maybe keeping Remus unconscious was the best way to get through the next twenty hours until the full moon rose. However, with Remus's current heightened sense of smell, he'd never be fooled.

The sound of the front door opening told him that James was back. He grabbed the bottles and hurried back into the living room. James was putting four newspaper cones on the coffee table in front of Remus. "Got an extra since you're usually extremely hungry this week. Two have vinegar," the way James and Sirius preferred their fish and chips, "and two don't," Remus's preference, "but I lost track of which is which. We'll figure it out."

Remus was no longer sneering at James, but he was watching him closely and seemed tense again. Sirius handed Remus a beer, and then turned to give one to James. Behind him he heard a low growl. James heard it too. James reached for the beer with his left hand and kept the fingertips of his right hand touching the wand lying just out of sight on the chair beside his right leg. Sirius sat on the sofa, careful to sit on the opposite side of Remus from James's chair. Remus would want to be between them; Sirius wouldn't antagonize him by doing otherwise.

James made a move toward the food, but Remus growled again. James immediately withdrew his hand and put it where Sirius knew his wand to be.

"It's O.K., Moony, you first," Sirius said, and he resumed the soothing strokes down Remus's arm and back. He looked toward James and willed him to remember wolf pack etiquette, _"The alpha eats first. Don't challenge him."_

"I was just going to figure out which two didn't have vinegar for you," James said. _"Message received."_

Remus chose one of the newspaper cones, sniffed, and put it in front of Sirius. He selected another. "So why do you smell like dust?" he asked before he began to eat. Sirius told him about their uneventful day and then of the false alarm of the early evening. Sometime in the midst of his story, Sirius took the food that Remus had offered him. James continued to wait. When Remus finished his food, he grabbed the last two cones, sniffed one, and gave the other to James. Only then did James dare to eat.

"So did you go anywhere today?" Sirius asked.

"Couldn't stand to stay penned up in here, could I? I apparated to the Forest of Dean and wandered a bit. I avoided any humans, so you don't need to apologize to anyone behind my back again." He leaned over to give Sirius a small nip on the shoulder, a reproving nip one gives a beloved packmate, not a bite meant to hurt. Sirius turned his head and nuzzled Remus's hair as his lover bit his shoulder, but he looked up to see James watching with a worried frown. "I found a colony of bowtruckles and a glumbumble hive," Remus continued when he sat up straight again.

"My compliments to the chef," Sirius said. He tossed his wadded up newspaper at James and then lay down with his head on Remus's leg. Remus began to comb his fingers through Sirius's hair. "You should see how big Lily's getting, Moony. She's already bigger than when we saw her two weeks ago."

Remus's hand stilled just for a moment. "Is she? When did you see her?" Remus asked. His voice seemed calm, but Sirius could feel that Remus's body had tensed. Sirius wondered what mistake he'd made this time.

"Tonight, just before I came home," Sirius answered cautiously.

James must have picked up on the tension in Remus's question, or more likely, in Sirius's answer. He added, "My fault, not Sirius's. I wanted to stop and see her before we came over here. We were only there for a minute."

Remus didn't reply, so Sirius couldn't guess what taboo he'd broken, or Remus suspected he'd broken, but something was definitely wrong. Remus's fingers tightened in Sirius's hair, not as if he wanted to cause pain, but as if he was suddenly oblivious to any pain he might be causing. Far more troubling to Sirius was the way Remus was staring at James again.

"Remus?" Sirius sought Remus's attention even as he tried to loosen Remus's grip in his hair. "Moony, please let go." When Remus began to growl at James, Sirius struggled to pull free. A moment later, he was thrown forward as Remus sprang toward James.

"STUPEFY!" James shouted, and Sirius saw Remus collapse onto the still seated James, carried forward by his own momentum.

"Are you O.K., Prongs?" Sirius asked as he gently lifted Remus into his arms.

"Fine. Is Moony O.K.?"

"He seems to be." Sirius headed into the bedroom to lay his unconscious lover on the bed. He could sense James following close behind. He laid Remus on the nearest side of the bed and brushed a lock of hair off his cheek. "I told you I hate this damned potion," Sirius said as he lay down on the bed beside his lover and placed his hand over the scarred hand before him

James sat at the foot of the bed. "So what the hell was that about?" Sirius noticed that James still had his wand in his hand even now that Remus was no threat.

"I don't know," Sirius admitted. "I'd only be guessing."

"So guess. You're the damn canine behaviour expert."

"Maybe he was angry that I went to your house instead of coming straight home. I was late coming home, and he'd been worried about me, so-- Or maybe he was just angry that I'd gone somewhere with you rather than coming straight home to him. He's jealous of us."

"You're not my type."

"He knows that. The wolf gets jealous anyway. Or--" Sirius hesitated. Maybe he shouldn't share the third possibility with his friend.

"Or?"

Sirius sighed; James needed to know. "Maybe it had to do with Lily."

"What about Lily?" James asked in a voice suddenly icy hard and dangerous.

"Lily's pregnancy--it has to be weird for him," Sirius said as he stroked Remus's hair. "In a wolf pack, the alpha pair are the only ones with the right to mate and reproduce. But Remus and I can't have kids, and you and Lily are having one instead. Our little pack is doing it all wrong."

"So he's jealous of me with you, and he's jealous of me with Lily." James's voice still had the hard dangerous tone, so Sirius sat up to give his friend his full attention.

Sirius shook his head. "Jealous isn't the right word with Lily. His human side has no interest in her--too female. As for the wolf, I don't know if he even considers her part of our pack--too human. He's just--" Sirius sought the right words to explain what Remus might be feeling. "It must seem `wrong' to the wolf that you're having children and he isn't. Maybe he perceives that by fathering children, you're declaring yourself our pack's alpha and challenging him. Or more likely, he feels like you've left our pack and started one of your own. Or, the wolf just can't figure it out, and he doesn't like being confused."

James stared down at Remus. "And what do wolves do to cubs from other packs?" A twitch of Remus's hand drew Sirius's attention before he could answer, but the angry tone in James's voice had clearly said that he didn't really need Sirius to explain that facet of wolf behaviour.

"I have some sleeping potion in here," Sirius said as he headed into the bathroom. "Let's give him some while he's still groggy, and keep him out until morning."


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius awoke to the familiar feel of teeth and tongue on the back of his neck. "Good morning, Moony," he said as he rolled back against his lover just enough to bare more of his throat. Remus's only reply was a swipe of his tongue across Sirius's jawline. "Do you want some breakfast?" Remus thrust his hips against one cheek of Sirius's ass. The all too evident erection jabbing into Sirius's flesh indicated that other needs were more pressing than hunger.

Sirius's desire to spend the night in the same bed as his volatile and possibly violent lover had surprised James--had troubled James-- but Sirius knew it had been the correct choice. Both aspects of Remus, wolf and human, loved and desired his mate. When Remus awoke from his drugged sleep, Sirius hadn't wanted him to wake to an empty bed and feel deserted.

Sirius leaned forward and reached for the bedside table drawer and the tube of lubricant inside. The warm bedclothes were suddenly tossed aside and the cool morning air spilled over Sirius's skin. A warm and wet tongue lapped at the cleft of his ass. Sirius clenched in surprise, but with the second lick, relaxed. As Remus continued his very canine seduction ritual, Sirius shifted farther back on his knees to allow Remus full contact with the puckered and sensitive skin. When Remus suddenly walked forward on his knees and pressed his cock against Sirius, Sirius remembered that he'd never gotten the tube of lubricant.

"Wait, Re. I need--" Sirius tried to reach for the drawer again, but Remus pulled Sirius's hips back, hard, and pressed just as hard against his saliva slicked anus. Sirius tried to stay relaxed despite the slight burning sensation as his lover slid in. Remus usually paused for a moment at this point and allowed Sirius to adjust to forcibly stretched muscles, but there was no pause today. Remus repeatedly drove into him with all the frenzied intensity of any canine in the act of mating. Sirius tried to focus only on the glorious stroking sensations on his prostate, but Remus's fingers were digging into his hips so hard that they couldn't be wholly ignored. When Remus became utterly, completely still, Sirius focused on the sensations inside himself again. He felt, or believed he felt, hot spurts of semen filling him as Remus's legs trembled against his own.

Remus uncurled his fingers and stretched across Sirius's back. Sirius reached for one of his lover's arms and pulled it down to curl around his belly. Only then did he allow them both to fall onto the mattress, still curled together, Remus still inside him. Remus wouldn't be able to stay inside him as long as a real wolf would stay inside his mate, but Sirius would stay this way with Remus as long as Remus wanted.

"I love you, you know," Sirius murmured as Remus wrapped his other arm around him. Remus's only reply was a lazy lick behind Sirius's earlobe. Remus's hand had brushed across Sirius's still erect cock as he embraced Sirius, but he made no move to relieve Sirius's dilemma. "Don't forget me, you selfish bastard," Sirius thought with a smile, and he shifted Remus's hand down from his waist to remind him that they weren't quite finished. Remus didn't take the hint. He did however, remain buried inside his lover, keep his arms wrapped around his lover, and continue to kiss and lick his lover's neck and shoulder.

Sirius's slight irritation was far outweighed by confusion and concern. Despite the joking epithet, Remus was not selfish in bed. For Remus to leave Sirius unsatisfied was simply not normal. "And he's too quiet." Remus rarely spoke during sex--he was loud sometimes, but talkative never--but once the wolf subsided, placated, Remus would speak again. Teasing banter, whispered endearments, an appreciative "That was amazing, Pads,"--he'd say something.

"Remus?" Sirius tried to look back at him without turning his lower body. Remus tightened his hold around Sirius's torso so he couldn't turn too much. "Moony, talk to me, Love. You're scaring me." Remus's only reply was a low rumbling laugh that raised the hair on the back of Sirius's neck and took care of his erection quite effectively. _"Wolves don't laugh,"_ Sirius tried to reassure himself, _"but they probably would if they could._

 _"O.K. I'm dealing with the wolf,"_ he thought. _"Desire to mate, satisfied--for now. I'm going to be limping tomorrow if I don't keep the lube handy. He's probably hungry; offer him breakfast. Then I'll send our owl to work with a note saying I'm too sick to come in today. Prewitt knows that I wanted off early today, so won't he believe me, but that's just too damn bad. I'd better get in touch with James too, or he'll panic when I don't show up at work."_

"Are you hungry, Remus?" Sirius said with another squirming half turn. Remus pulled out this time and allowed Sirius to turn onto his back.

"Yes." Remus eyes traveled slowly down Sirius's body and then suddenly returned to his throat again. For the first time, Remus's stare made Sirius feel more like "prey" than like "mate."

Sirius licked his lips nervously and quelled the desire to bolt off the bed and run. "What would you like? We have eggs, a couple sausages, steak; maybe there's some of that leftover roast chicken." Fortunately, he had stocked their tiny Muggle refrigerator--it came with the flat--with foods Remus usually craved just before the full moon.

Remus looked in the direction of the kitchen, then rose off the bed and strode out of the room in one continuous motion. Sirius lingered in the bedroom just long enough to pull on a pair of jeans. He rather thought that complete nudity in the living room was a bad idea. Nor only would it provide a show for the neighbors across the street unless he charmed the windows for privacy, but it might encourage his very amorous mate a bit too much. Jeans also provided Sirius with a way to keep his wand close at hand, and Sirius knew he might need to use it on Remus before they made it through this day.

Remus was crouched before the open refrigerator. Several items lay scattered on the floor beside his feet. Remus stood again holding what he wanted, a package wrapped in brown butcher's paper. He put it on the counter and then hopped up to sit beside it. Sirius put a pan on the Muggle stove. He twisted the knob to start the gas and flicked his finger to ignite it. While the pan heated, he began to put away the items scattered in front of the still open refrigerator. He heard Remus unwrap the steak and looked up to see Remus take a bite of the red meat. Sirius frowned at the sight. On any given day, Remus preferred beef so rare that it was nearly raw, but he usually made a pretense of cooking it at least briefly. If Remus remembered any of this day when he was back to himself, Sirius was certain that he would be extremely embarrassed by his behaviour. Sirius turned off the stove when he stood up again.

"Too cold," Remus said as he chewed on the meat. Sirius warmed the partially eaten steak with a charm. He tried to approximate body temperature.

"Better?" Sirius asked. Remus took another bite and nodded. "I've got to go to the bog," Sirius said as he headed in that direction. "I'll be right back."

As he stood staring down at the toilet, Sirius realized that he'd missed an opportunity. He needed to get in touch with James, but Remus would probably react badly to his doing so. He should have gotten his mirror off the top of his dresser when he put on his jeans. He could be whispering into the mirror right now if he'd done so. He'd need to get the mirror and contact James as soon as he could find an opportunity-perhaps when Remus needed to go to the bathroom. _"That is, if he's still human enough to use the bathroom instead of marking the whole flat."_ Sirius flushed the toilet and turned to see Remus standing in the doorway watching him. "Your turn?" Remus nodded.

Sirius hurried into the bedroom and began to search through the detritus on top of his dresser, items dropped there when he'd emptied his pockets, clean laundry that he hadn't gotten around to putting in the drawers, a framed photo of himself and Remus that Remus had declared, "Unfit for public viewing." (They'd been fully clothed when it was taken, but Sirius supposed they'd been having very naughty thoughts.) No mirror. Sirius retrieved the robe he'd worn the day before from the floor and searched the pockets. A light flashed in his eyes.

"Looking for this?" Remus said from the doorway.

\+ + + + +

Sirius watched the way the breeze ruffled Remus's hair, the only movement as Remus stared down the hillside in the general direction of Hogsmeade and the Forbidden Forest.

"We should get home," Sirius said. Remus didn't bother to answer. "You need to take the last dose of the potion before moonrise." Remus still didn't answer. "We'll never know if it works unless you take all seven doses."

Remus finally looked back to where Sirius was sitting on a rocky outcrop. "We'll spend tonight here."

"All right, but we need to tell Prongs and Wormtail that we're here so they can join us." Sirius felt fairly certain that James was mad with worry by now. Not only had Remus prevented him from contacting James directly, but he hadn't even allowed him to send a message to his superiors saying that he would not be in today, an indirect message to James and therefore forbidden. They had simply vanished without a word to anyone.

All day, Remus had kept trying to go into the Forbidden Forest. Even after almost three years of spending the full moon in various locations, Remus considered the Forbidden Forest his home territory. If Remus had been wolf in form as well as behaviour, Sirius wouldn't have minded, but Sirius knew an untransformed werewolf was almost as vulnerable as a human would be in the Forbidden Forest. Padfoot could protect himself, but he could he protect both of them? It had taken all his persuasive powers and his ability to distract to keep Remus exploring only the outer edges of the forest and the less dangerous wilderness beyond Hogsmeade.

"Just us," Remus said.

"We need our whole pack to go into the Forbidden Forest. There are packs of other creatures there. We need the strength of numbers."

"They don't hunt."

Sirius stared down at the blood on his shirt cuffs, a reminder of the rabbit Padfoot had caught for their supper. (It was preferable that Remus didn't go into the full moon with an empty belly.) "No, they don't hunt. But there are creatures in the Forest who will hunt us, and Prongs can fight. Prongs and Wormtail are our pack; we should go into the Forest together."

Remus looked off to the east, where the moon would soon be rising in the still blue sky. Sirius contemplated stunning him. He hadn't been able to bring himself to do it all day, as Remus hadn't done anything truly dangerous. But Remus unconfined at the full moon, close to Hogsmeade and Hogwarts, with only Padfoot to control him, that would be an unacceptable risk. If there was anything they'd learned during their reckless close calls as teenagers, it was that it took Padfoot and Prongs both to turn back the wolf when the bloodlust was upon him. Sirius had just begun to slide his hand back across his leg toward his pocketed wand when Remus took the mirror from his own pocket and tossed it to him. Sirius almost fumbled the catch.

"James?" he called into the mirror. "James, I need to talk to you."

The bespectacled face of his best friend immediately replaced his own face. The tension that Sirius had felt all day was reflected by the worry he saw on James's face. "Sirius! Are you all right? I've been trying to find you all day, and you weren't answering your mirror. How's Moony? He's still with you, isn't he?"

"We're fine. Can we talk freely where you are?"

James glanced around, looking for anyone near enough to eavesdrop. "Go ahead."

"We're near the Forbidden Forest, and Remus wants to spend tonight here. Can you come?"

"No, but I will anyway. Prewitt can just fire my arse. He's been threatening to fire yours all day, so we may as well go together. He's really worried about you."

"Prewitt?"

"You've never just not shown up before, and given your family's reputation--I had to talk him out of calling out half the aurors just to search for you. He let me search alone. I knew that wherever you were, you were with Moony, and I didn't think a bunch of jumpy aurors would be a good idea."

Remus began to growl, and Sirius knew he'd tested the werewolf's patience long enough. He quickly detailed their exact location and asked James to fetch Remus's last dose of the Wolfsbane Potion from the flat before he came. He tucked the mirror into his own pocket and moved to stand beside his mate.

"How do you feel?" Sirius asked as he rubbed his hand across Remus's back. His muscles felt tense and tight, and his shoulder gave an involuntary twitch. "Not long until moonrise, about ten minutes I think. Do you want to undress now, or wait?" A shudder rippled through Remus's body, and Sirius immediately looked eastward, wondering if he'd overestimated how long they had until moonrise. Remus growled and took several steps away from Sirius, but he didn't transform.

Sirius tried to move closer to offer whatever comfort he could, but Remus fixed him with a cold glare and growled again, curling his upper lip to show teeth as he did so. Sirius immediately stepped back. He understood that in his own way, Remus was trying to protect him. He didn't trust himself not to lash out in pain, so he was ordering Sirius to keep a safe distance.

"I'll stay over here," Sirius said as he retreated to the rocky outcrop and sat down again. He watched helplessly as Remus clawed at the twitching muscles of his arms and legs.

A slight "pop" of air being displaced announced James's arrival. He was down slope from them, about ten yards away. He looked between them, seemingly trying to decide which would be less risky, approaching Remus himself to give him the goblet he carried, or daring to go near Sirius so he could give it to Remus.

"Moony, James brought your potion," Sirius said. "Do you want me to get it for you?" Remus didn't answer, but he moved a few steps farther away from both of his friends. "Do you want James to give it to you?"

Remus began walking uphill away from them, tearing his shirt off as he went. Sirius and James glanced at each other and both immediately followed, their paths converging just a short distance behind Remus. Sirius took the goblet from James. James immediately drew his wand and split off to flank Remus.

"Drink this, Remus. It's the last--"

Remus stumbled on a stone on the path and fell to his hands and knees. Sirius almost spilled the smoking brew as he instinctively reached for his lover. Remus didn't try to rise. Shudders racked his body as his body tensed through the early stages of the change. Sirius looked at Remus's tightly clenched jaw-- _"Too late,"_ \-- threw the goblet aside, and kneeled beside his shaking lover. Remus snapped in his direction. James's arm raised, but Sirius simultaneously gestured for him to hold. It had been a warning, not a legitimate attempt to bite. Sirius transformed and offered whatever comfort his presence could provide.

\+ + + + +

Padfoot lapped at the numerous wounds on the nude body of the man beside him. Remus had collapsed into a boneless heap the moment he finished transforming back into human form. Padfoot could not discern if Remus was asleep or simply too weary to move. As for himself, he wanted to clean all the wounds he could find before he transformed back. It felt like what he should do. Most of the cuts were minor, scratches from briars and branches. A few were worse, gifts of teeth, claws, or antlers. Padfoot could feel that his own wounds were as numerous, but they didn't seem to matter while they were hidden by fur.

A short distance away, a stag lay with his legs folded under his body. Although his head was lowered to the ground, his eyes were bright with reflected starlight--the moon had set, but the sun was yet to rise--as he watched the two canines.

When Padfoot nudged his nose under Remus's chin to better lick a wound on his throat, Remus finally opened his eyes. He whimpered and licked the tip of Padfoot's nose. Padfoot started back in surprise and cocked his head. Remus whimpered again and licked Padfoot's paw.

"How do you feel, Moony?" James asked. From his vantage point, he could only see that Remus had lifted his head, not that he was still behaving like a wolf.

Remus's body suddenly tensed. He whirled to face James and raised into a crouch on the balls of his feet. Padfoot scrambled to his own feet and threw himself against Remus just as Remus launched himself at James. Padfoot pinned him to ground while barking furiously. "Change back! Change back!" he tried to say.

"MOVE, SIRIUS!" James shouted. Padfoot scrambled clear. "STUPEFY!" and Remus lay still. Padfoot nosed his mate's still form and whimpered. James stroked the fur on the dog's back. "He's O.K., Padfoot. He'll be O.K. He really hates me, doesn't he?" He sounded resigned to the possibility.

Sirius transformed back and rearranged Remus's limbs to more comfortable positions. "No, I think it was because you were human. He transformed back physically, but only physically. He was still the wolf. The potion didn't work; it made him worse."

"How long until it wears off?"

"I don't know. It wasn't supposed--I don't know." Sirius's throat tightened as he spoke. All week long, he'd watched the potion destroy the humanity in Remus and leave only the wolf behind; yet he had kept feeding him the poison anyway. Last night, Remus had been as savage and uncontrollable as he'd ever seen him. And now--Sirius realized that perhaps only the wolf remained. Perhaps the potion had destroyed the human aspect of Remus. Perhaps he had killed the man he loved.

\+ + + + +

Remus had been asleep for fifteen hours. Exhaustion had taken over when the stunning spell wore off. James had erected a warding spell around the bed. Only a slightly translucent shimmer to the air indicated that Remus could neither leave the bed, nor anyone else get on it. When James had begun to perform the spell, Sirius had left the room. He couldn't bear to watch Remus being put in a cage, nor could he argue against it.

Sirius now sat in a chair he'd pulled in from the living room and watched Remus sleep. Part of his mind insisted on trying to make plans for Remus's care if he really was irredeemably the wolf. He couldn't entrust him to St. Mungo's. If they became involved, the Ministry would become involved. Sirius could guess what the Ministry's solution for an uncontrollable werewolf would be. Part of Sirius's mind rebelled at the pessimistic thoughts. "He will get better. The potion will wear off. Think positively. You have to will him to get better."

"Sirius?" Peter's voice called from the outer room.

"In the bedroom."

"How is he?" Peter stood in the doorway. Sirius kept his eyes on Remus.

"Still asleep. We'll know more when he wakes up."

"I'm sorry I didn't come last night."

"It's all right. It was more of a night for big animals."

"That's what I thought too." After a long pause, Peter offered, "I'll stay with him if you want to go get something to eat, or take a nap on the sofa, or something."

Sirius inhaled deeply and thought. He'd napped briefly in the chair, but he was still exhausted. He didn't want to leave Remus, but he'd be of more use when Remus awoke if he took care of himself now.

"Thanks. I think I'll go take a bath; I smell like the Forbidden Forest."

"You smell like centaur dung," Peter said with a smile.

Sirius almost fell asleep in the bathtub, and as he dried off, he decided that he'd take Peter up on his offer to stay while he napped on the sofa. He returned to the bedroom to fetch clean clothes. Peter was standing as near the bed as he could and looking down at the man curled there. Remus hands and feet twitched the way a dog's sometimes will while he dreams of running. Sirius's heart ached at the sight. He closed his eyes against the hot tears and grasped at the doorframe to keep from swaying.

"It's not your fault," Peter said. "He'll get better, but even if he doesn't, it's not your fault."

"No, not my fault," Sirius echoed. "I'm just the one who made the damn potion and kept forcing him to take it even though I saw it was harming him." The feel of Peter's hand on his arm caused Sirius to open his eyes again.

"You were just doing what Remus asked you to do. It was his idea."

"But I'm supposed to protect Remus--even from himself. I promised."

"We promised to protect him from himself, but only once a month. The rest of time, he's as free to make mistakes as the rest of us. This was his choice, Padfoot. It's not your fault."

"I should have tried harder to talk him out of it."

"You couldn't have. If there's one thing I'm sure of about Remus, it's that he'd do anything for a cure."

Sirius nodded and wiped away the tears on his cheeks. He grabbed a robe out of the closet and slipped it on. "I'm going to take a nap on the sofa. Wake me as soon as he starts to stir, or whenever you have to leave." He pressed one hand against the translucent shimmer. "Thanks, Peter."

It seemed only moments later that Peter was shaking him awake, but the feeling of cotton wool in his head was so severe that he must have fallen quite deeply asleep. He tried to remember why Peter would be waking him, and with the memory of Remus caged in the translucent box, he became fully awake.

"Is he awake?"

"He just woke up," Peter smiled, "and asked for you."

\+ + + + +

One Year Later

Sirius scanned the street for anyone suspicious and allowed the curtains to fall back into place. The windows had been charmed into showing an empty room from the outside, so no one could see into the Potters' new flat, but the curtains covering the windows made Sirius feel more secure.

"They found you more quickly this time," he said. Harry had just crawled to his feet, so he swept the toddler up high into the air before cuddling him close and kissing him. He watched as James used a charm to heal the burns Lily had gotten in their latest escape.

"Tell him what Dumbledore said last time," Lily said to her husband. James merely frowned and continued to heal her arm. "Tell him, or I will."

"Dumbledore said that someone close to us must be giving information to Voldemort. He thinks it's the only explanation of how they keep finding us." James said it all very quickly as if to get the bad news over with.

"Someone?" Sirius held Harry a little tighter, and the boy began to squirm to be released.

"We've cut off contact with almost everyone we know, one by one," Lily said. "The only--"

"I told Dumbledore that he's wrong," James interrupted. He'd finished healing Lily's injuries and put his wand back in his pocket. "There's some other explanation, that's all."

Sirius put Harry back on the floor, and he began to crawl to his mother.

"Lily?" Sirius asked. He suspected what she'd been interrupted from saying, but he had to hear it said. Before she spoke, she picked up Harry and nestled him between herself and James.

"The only people who knew where we were living were you, Remus, and Peter," she said.

If they had been the only ones entrusted with the secret, then one of them had to have betrayed the secret. _"No wonder James won't even look at me,"_ Sirius thought as he watched the way James kept his face buried in his child's hair. Sirius thought he might be sick. An icy numbness swept through his body even as the bitter taste of vomit rose in his throat.

A recent conversation he'd had with Peter came to the forefront of his mind. One of the many rumors the aurors had heard about Voldemort's recruitment of dark creatures was that he had devised a cure for werewolves and would use it as a reward for faithful service. When Sirius had first heard that, his only thought had been, "I hope it's true, and if it's true, I hope we can find out what the cure is to help Moony and all the others."

Two nights after he first heard the rumor, he'd run into Peter by accident and they'd gone for a drink together. He'd told Peter of the rumor. Peter's response? "When I said that Remus would do anything for a cure, I didn't mean he'd go that far." There was a stunned silence as Sirius realized what Peter had thought he was implying. "Would he?" Peter then asked. Sirius denied it vehemently, but the idea hung there between them, poisoning the rest of the evening.

Sirius found himself looking out the charmed window again. "It's not me," he said. "It's O.K. if you think it is; I won't be insulted."

"I don't," James said in a hoarse voice.

"I'm Slytherin spawn and all, but I know it's not me," Sirius continued, "and Peter is-Peter, so it can't be him. And it can't be Moony. It can't." James's hand was on his shoulder, and Sirius was glad to feel him there. "It can't," he whispered again. He remembered the jealousy and anger Remus had shown toward James a year ago when an experimental potion had given the wolf control over Remus. He knew that James remembered it too.

"I told Dumbledore he was wrong," James said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was inspired by Remus's comment to Harry after drinking Wolfsbane Potion, "Pity sugar makes it useless." I figured that _someone_ had to have been the one to discover that fact. (You did notice that Remus was sucking on candies after drinking the potion, didn't you?)


End file.
